


who wakes up? -- not you, not me, who?

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Mental Instability, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:01:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: when did cuddling become so cold?(december is not a good month)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito (past), Kamukura Izuru & Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 16
Kudos: 125





	who wakes up? -- not you, not me, who?

it is december. 

snow is gently touching the window, and icicles hang on the roof. the white-coated grass is almost blinding to stare at, but it looks pleasant, too. winter, kamukura muses, is always an interesting season. in the end, however, doesn’t it just become predictable?

he shifts a little to look at his companion, whose skin is colder than the wind outside. his snowy lashes obscure grey eyes, and he smiles at kamukura when he sees him. something different about this winter could be komaeda’s presence, but being surrounded by him feels like perpetual frost.

“kamukura-kun?” he is tired and sad. he always looks so fragile, a worn-down doll. kamukura cups the back of his head and cradles him, primarily out of protective pity. komaeda does not complain. komaeda never complains. “what are you thinking about?”

“the winter.” kamukura replies, his voice not soft enough for the situation he is in. komaeda just cuddles closer. “it is a hard season for you, is it not?”

komaeda nods. “yes. december and january are full of  _ him _ .” his smile looks taped up on the ends. kamukura brushes his thumb against his bottom lip. “ah, it’s fine though! in a sense, he’s always with me, so…”

“does it feel easier here?” kamukura nuzzles komaeda’s head, adorned with fine white hairs. “away from the island? far from the others?”

komaeda shakes his head. “no. i’m farther from him, now. the island where he rests is so far away, and hope’s peak is destroyed, too. he lives in my mind constantly, and i can’t get him out. i don’t know how i could apologize.” his eyes water, but he smiles. “i have kamukura-kun, though, so i suppose i must adjust. you are… impossibly kind to me, after all. but then, how do i apologize to you?”

“do you keep me here because you truly believe hinata is with me?” komaeda flinches at the name, and kamukura rubs circles in his cheek. eventually, the other shook his head, eyes unfocused and far away. “i apologize. that is what you would consider cruel, yes?”

“kamukura-kun.” he is bleak, pale, and terrified. “you don’t love me.”

kamukura sighs. “must we discuss this? it’s impertinent-”

“it’s  _ important. _ ” komaeda hisses. 

_ i suppose it’s impossible to avoid tedium. _

“kamukura- _ kun. _ ” his voice breaks halfway, and kamukura presses a kiss to his temple. he kisses his cheek, his nose, his jaw, and the corner of his lips. in the end, komaeda is closer to tears. “you can’t do this to me. if... if you don’t love me, why keep me around? i can’t imagine myself as entertaining or useful.”

“you are interesting to me, komaeda nagito.” komaeda nods in defeat, but kamukura cups his face and looks him in the eyes. there’s nothing sheathed behind his irises. “without someone around, you would likely die. i do not want you to die. i have nowhere else to go. this is the best option, then, isn’t it?”

komaeda doesn’t answer. it is fine. it was rhetorical. instead, komaeda lets a few tears fall down his cheek, and kamukura adjusts to the other’s ear can press against his chest. kamukura’s heart is steady, and the trembling boy listens. it is how they survive the flashbacks and breakdowns. the ravenette’s heartbeat is the only thing allowing them to survive the winter.

_ if i died,  _ kamukura muses,  _ what would he do? _

komaeda shakes, and he feels extremely cold to the touch. tears pour down his sullen cheeks, and kamukura can do nothing but hold him tightly. somedays, he is forced to restrain the other as he goes through violent flashbacks, fighting off the thrashing and screaming. today, however, he knows it will be quiet. the only sound, aside from the howling wind outside, is komaeda’s sniffles, accompanied by a name belonging to neither of them. 

_ if i cut my hair, would you love me more? if i was kinder, more stubborn, less talented? if the other had woken up? komaeda nagito, it would be so much  _ easier _ if you did not love me. _

“you may go back to sleep, komaeda.” he gives the other permission, allowing them to fall back into their role of master and servant. sometimes, that is the only way kamukura can guarantee komaeda’s safety. “i will stay.”

komaeda smiles mournfully, and kamukura wonders if the other has ever been truly happy. although, the same question could be asked of the ravenette. “you are more than i deserve, kamukura-kun.” he is honest, and kamukura kisses his mouth softly, biting gently at the bottom lip as the other lets out a content sigh. eventually, he pulls away, and komaeda thanks him with a lift of his lips. the smile formed by bruised lips seems so much sadder, yet more honest. “i don’t deserve you.”

“shh.” kamukura hushes. “go to sleep, nagito.”

after a period of shock, he listens, eventually falling limp in kamukura’s embrace. it feels less like a person and more like a light weight in his arms, and he wonders who constructed his bones to be hollow and his brain to be apathetic and his tongue to speak lies. kamukura wishes he could speak to whoever created him again, because hinata hajime is gone and replaced by someone less capable to handle the broken boy nuzzling him desperately. he snuffles in his sleep, and kamukura strokes his hair rhythmically.

it is still december.

_ i will protect him for you. i promise. _

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it.
> 
> (quick clarification: this is in an AU where kamukura woke up instead of hinata after the simulation. it's been a few years and they've left the island. hope's peak academy is destroyed. i know this doesn't make that much sense)
> 
> (also, i am aware it is january, but it made more sense to trace to lead up /to/ hinata's birthday rather than after)


End file.
